Woah! Knowing thyself

Got it through the first day of SLA. I really feel bad with my stats. It was really low and it’s a bit frustrating. I feel like I’m devolving or something, like I’m getting worse. I tend to forget stuffs that I used to know, or used to learn.

I feel really bad because I try as much as I can to achieve something. Maybe I just pressure myself too much. I’m not really sure. Maybe it’s the confidence thing. Every time I try as much I can to empathize with my callers, I tend to get very dreamy or girly. Errr..

I think that’s the thing, confidence. I have to be assertive and whatever and at the same time empathetic. In order for me to gain back the confidence that slightly being wear off by time and stress, I have to re-learn myself. Things that makes me special, my talents, my passion and what separates me from the other people.

Okay so let’s see. What makes me special? Hmmm.. Well, I see things differently and tends to be political sometimes. I don’t think that makes me special. Let’s dig deeper. I tend to get sentimental on some stuffs, like that “Ted” guy from the “How I Met Your Mother” or “JD” from “Scrubs”.  I used to describe myself as “mellow dramatic fool” (heard the phrase from the Basketcase song by Greenday). What else? I love dogs and dolphins. I’m an advocate of The Cove and I’m against dog fighting. Okay, so I don’t know what else I should take note of. Let’s go ahead to the next subject.

Talents What talents do I have now. Well, I still can sing and play some guitar but it’s been awhile I listen to myself sing on impulse. Nowadays, I sometimes find it weird when I suddenly heard myself singing a tune. It’s like my voice is sound sometimes strange to me when I listen to it. So what else? I write but I’m not sure if that’s a talent. I mean, I’m not really that good. I just blurt anything I wanted to say and sometimes it doesn’t make any sense. The transition are just crazy.

What separates me from other people I can’t say I’m more genuine than some people at work (Honestly, that’s how I feel 3 years ago when I was working under Teleflora). Now, it’s all about work. Everyone are working their ass off and getting better. What separates me from them? I don’t know. I can’t say I’m smarter because it’s not true, though of course I know I’m smart. I can’t say I’m the most good looking person there because I’m not though I know I’m not ugly.

Damn. This is a bit hard. Recognizing oneself again. I think I’m gonna need to soul search or something, like climb a mountain or do some pilgrimage or something. Well, I don’t have time yet but I’ll keep that in mind. One of these days or maybe this weekend, I’ll plan something out. Even if I have to take a trip alone, I will. If that what it takes to recognize myself again, I don’t see why not do it.


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