“There comes a point n your life when you realize:
Who matters.
Who never did.
Who won’t anymore,
And Who Always Will.
So don’t worry about people from your past.
There’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.”

– misswhiplash in Sharing This with You! 

When I was a kid, I used to think that people, even though we have much differences between us, can be joined together as one. Why fight if we could just be friends. Maybe it was just the naïvety in me and somewhat vanity that as if I can bring people together. As I grow older, I then noticed that there are really some distinct qualities that actually fuels the differences, like: pride, jealousy, gossips, misconceptions, self-justification (technically part of pride) etc. Still I held on, as I said I’m vain to think I can bring my friends together no matter where or what are their roots. I used to think we’re better than this, that’s old folks’ issues and we’re going to be young forever no matter how aged we look. Then bit by bit, I noticed, the existence of these dividers surfacing.

I was thinking that maybe music can bring us all together, as Woodstock brings people together. Then I realized, the parting part is inevitable. No matter what you do, our very own nature will divide us. At some point, ideas may agree for a time but we’ll stand divided eventually.

I once confided with an old old friend of mine since high school about my past circle issues. She knows them though they’re not close. She asked me “Have they gave or done something to you that you should be forever grateful?”. I said “None”. “Have you done something for them that they should be grateful?” “Well, Yes.. Lots!” “Then better forget them. There’s no longer a point to it.”

But that’s one of those things that I was trying to suppress in the first place. I don’t like to count favors given by me or to me. I was in the belief that friendship doesn’t work that way. I mean, how would you consider yourself as a friend if you do that? But come to think of it, why should I let myself be dragged into something without expecting any return at all? I mean, what if it’s my time to become needy and no one came?

It already happened to me long time ago, when I needed a place to stay and was emotionally unstable. I asked a supposedly “very close” friend of mine if I could stay in his place for the night and he agreed. But instead of going back to his place, he brought me to his friend’s place so he can do some meth and do some chick. Picture me sitting in the corner, surrounded by 8-11 drugged high people who I never met before in my life. One thing about being surrounded by addicts is that they tend to get paranoid if you won’t join them in their fun. So the most likely you should do to avoid any worst case scenario is to do drugs with them which I didn’t at that time because as I said I was emotionally unstable and I don’t want to indulge myself in that state. Good thing this douche friend of mine noticed that I was already being planned to be disposed of and called me out. (By the way, I already sort this out with my friend and he said he was so sorry about it. I no longer take it against him. I’m just telling you guys the story for the sake of just telling the story and nothing more.)

The thing is, now I became more attentive to details on meeting new acquaintances. Sometimes I hate myself for being fastidious of choosing my company. I just read misswhiplash post about past friends and reason for the future and it got me recollected some thoughts about it. How could I meet other new people with that kind of damaged past. I really don’t know. I better just take care of those people who matter and always will, as Patrecia said. And just come what may.

Solitude is impractical and yet society is fatal.

– Ralph Waldo Emerson


2 thoughts on “Smokes

  1. I am so pleased that you found my post was sent by my friend Anwar who lives in Pakistan and it really affected makes you think about your priorities and your life

    love P


    1. Hey! I saw your comment on my other post. Yeah I appear gloomy there but it was supposed to be on draft and it was prematurely posted. Imagine scribbles on a notepad 😛 So I decided to send it on trash because I can’t come up any sense out of it to tweak it.. Hehehe.. Sorry, I deleted it along with your comment.

      And I’m not really morose, as in full time. It’s just the mood.. Hehehe.. I’ll probably post something with that same concept but not now, I don’t want to foce it.

      Anyway, thanks for the visit! 🙂


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