What I learned about Vampires


I watched a lot of vampire movies and series, especially lately that I’m easily bored here in my flat. I’ve been trying to figure out what to write about. I find it funny that somehow I feel obligated to write something daily even though I’m not joining the Post-A-Day Contest but the hits average seems growing, so forgive me if I do.

So let’s get back to “I’ve been watching a lot of vampire series and flicks”. Don’t get me wrong I don’t believe in such or maybe I am but it’s not really going to play a big part in this post. This is just supposed to be a comical. Things that I’ve learned on how to survive against vampires after watching Buffy the vampire slayer, Lost Boys, Vampire Diaries, Supernatural, Underworld, Blade, Interview with a Vampire, Dracula, I am Legend and, of course, Twilight. So if you guys looking for a true testimony on encountering these creatures of the night, you better look on somewhere else. I don’t have any, though if you think you encounter a real one, you can share it to me if you want to. I mean, such thought is one of my “Imponderable” list of questions. But please before you send me something, make sure you’re not, you know. I mean, I’m not dealing with a schizo or lunatic. What the hell I’m talking about? I’m asking someone to share their encounter with vampires. The thought itself is lunacy😄. But c’mon! Doesn’t mean you haven’t seen it, it’s not real. Oh, what the hell! Here I am, blabbering again. Don’t misjudged me, please. I’m just speaking about the possibilities here. But.. Errrr… I better get down to the subject before I make a fool out of myself some more. Hehehe..

"Aragay Tiyay!"

So what to do if you come across to one of them while walking alone in the street. Hmmm. Funny! Some say they would prefer to face off a vampire rather than an addict or red-eyed drug abused human. Which I find their logic agreeable. Anyway, here are the tips when you feel like someone good looking with porcelain eyes lurking and stalking while you’re walking alone, presuming it’s a vampire that is.

  • They can outrun you. Doesn’t matter if you’re a tri-athlete or a marathon runner. So if you find yourself being chased by one, strike a conversation right away. They love monologuing.
  • It’s seldom you see an African-American survive this ordeal. Unless you’re a scientist and has a dog and the world’s already on a post apocalyptic era.
  • If you don’t want to come across vampires, stay away from Forks, Transylvania, Mystic Valley, New Orleans and Miami. Though it doesn’t matter. Some vampires prefer eating outside of their home radius.
  • When a new neighbor moved in at night. There’s a great chance that the kid they’re with is a vampire. So lock the doors, don’t invite them to your window. No matter how their head bleed. Well, unless you’re ready to be a murderer and feed her with the blood of your victims for your whole lifetime.

"Mang che-check lang po ng gasul!"

  • If you’re somehow turned into a vampire, try learning some kung fu and kendo. I’m not sure how it’s relevant but it’s just that it’s cool. And wear some shades.
  • Suspect everyone, even you’re high school prom king and queen or your gym teacher.
  • Not all vampires are bad, there’s some good. Usually, the good ones are more powerful than the others. They can single handedly kill everyone in the pub full of vampires.

"Oh! Crap!"

  • The vast majority of them don’t sparkle. So don’t dwell on the thought that you can use a UV ray flashlight to check on your buddies. Some of them can be hurt by it while others just, you know, sparkle.
  • They’re love classical music even though they’re just in their pubes. If you meet one, it’s vampire guaranteed.
  • There’s a secret society of vampires. Kind of like, Illuminati or Priory of Sion. If you stumble yourself to a building with a Jaguar XJ (series III) or a 1994 Mercedes-Benz E 250 Diesel Lang [V124] and Maserati 3200 GT parked outside. Stay away. It’s probably owned by mob syndicate or vampires.
  • To seduce a vampire, play damsel in distress. They’re into clumsy, idealistic and naive type of girl.
  • Only the Vampires of Millenia can’t have a sexual intercourse.
  • They love to monologue. Strike a compelling phrase right away. And while they’re into it, think of an escape plan.
  • Stake through their heart is always the best way to kill them, also decapitation and fire.
  • To survive the rays of the sun: some use sun block, others have some kind of a ring to protect them while some just sparkle.
  • The sparkling male vampires can procreate with human females.

"For the last time! I AM NOT EDWARD CULLEN!!!"

  • If you turned into a vampire, stay away from disco clubs. If you don’t want to be slayed by a black half-vampire, half-human with a katana and sunglasses.
  • Day is the best time to hunt a vampire, when the sun is up, but don’t bring any dogs.

"Dammit! Where's Ceasar when I need him?"

  • They hate werewolves. Whenever there’s a vampire around, werewolves tend to be friendly and protective of humans.
  • Vampires are liar in nature. It’s either because they’re just protecting you or they just want to be feed by you.
  • Only Dracula can transform into a bat or a wolf.
  • There are three main enemies of vampires: Witches, Werewolves and themselves.
  • The good vampires usually has repressed emotion.
  • They can fall in love too even though their heart stops beating.
  • The good vampires love to torment themselves with their own insecurities and folly but don’t have any courage to kill themselves. They’re masochistic.
  • For weird reasons, there are a lot of places in this world where a vampire could be, yet they love to stay in high school.

2 thoughts on “What I learned about Vampires

  1. The movie that I love most about vampires is Wesley Snipes’ The Blade, it changes my perspective about being a vampire and that there is actually a difference and that is being a good vampire. I wanted to be called as someone else or the daywalker it’s all fictional but still possible. I happened to read my friends blog and he also talks about horror he blogs about zombies hope you like it here’s his blog posts

    http://www.spiderhamworld.com/2011/10/hammys-tv-zombie-apocalypse-survival.html

    Keep it up!

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