I feel like men are more romantic than women. When we get married we marry, like, one girl, ’cause we’re resistant the whole way until we meet one girl and we think I’d be an idiot if I didn’t marry this girl she’s so great. But it seems like girls get to a place where they just kinda pick the best option… ‘Oh he’s got a good job.’ I mean they spend their whole life looking for Prince Charming and then they marry the guy who’s got a good job and is gonna stick around.
– Blue Valentine
Yes, I’m going to share something about us, males, that women seem to have no idea of. Before I watched this movie and heard this line, I already have that theory that women, maybe, are more romantic than men with the way they talk about love, but we (men) are far more serious about it. Although I know for a fact that women are more vocal about these stuffs while we are a bit reserved. Ask any man you know if they ever dreamed of meeting and marrying a princess, I assure that’s close to none. But ask them if they ever fall in love with someone that was so great that it knocked their socks off, that would be a yes (I’m not sure if most of them are going to admit it) . Why some won’t admit it? The reason is because probably it ended badly.
Falling in love with the idea of “Falling in love”
I met a lot of people who fell for this kind of love (on the idea alone) and it’s okay, its not something to be ashamed of. Our society sometimes propel us to naively doing so, that including the media we had available even in the past. Examples are histories of chivalry, prince and princesses, romantic novels and comedies. I guess there’s nothing wrong with wanting great and romantic things in life and dream about it, but the notion is still a trap.
I remember when I was in High School, I fell in love with my best friend of five years. It was a high schooler’s romanticism at its best. I was inspired, grinning and had this sparkling delusion of planning our futures together. But in the end, it was a painful farewell and bittersweet last glances. What’s so funny about it was that we’ve been friends since childhood until high school, and we’ve only been a couple for four months but it still scarred me so much, that my friends think I’m some kind of lunatic that even my Grandma agrees. I guess one of the reasons we broke up is because I’m so freaking idealistic and dreamy and very.. very.. jealous. Enough with that, it’s not that I didn’t learn anything from it. I wouldn’t say that it’s good (because that was freaking painful ) but at least I’m happy now with my wife 🙂
There is also this other instance when Vem (my wife) and I were schooling in Bacolod. We were not yet married, but I would sometimes sneak into her room in our boarding house. It was a perfect setup for a couple like us. It was romantic and all because we can spend a lot of time with each other. But one day her mom paid a surprise visit. Vem wanted me to hide. Yes, it was such a cliche hollywood scene — “Oh no my mom! Go hide in the closet” and yes, it happened to me in real life. Vem’s room was spacious but there is no big clothes full of closet to seek sanctuary in and I can’t even hide under her bed because her mom’s a bit meticulous. What if she decided to clean up all of a sudden? So I decided to hide outside the window, and we’re talking about a 4 floored apartment, 80 feet high more or less. Nice thing about that is the windows have these concrete plant space wide enough for one person, but one clumsy step can have me falling to a splatter on the road below. What can I do but wait for them to get out of the room. But it was noon and it was so hot and breezy, and I was in a more uncomfortable situation with the heat roasting right above my head. Then one passerby suddenly noticed me, then he called up more of his buddies and before I know it, I became a laughing-stock of the streets. They thought I was planning to kill myself. It was so embarrassing that I couldn’t take it anymore. I stood up, opened the big sliding window and hopped back into her room, said hi to her mom and her tita (auntie) then stepped out of the door. I didn’t wait for any comments, comebacks or replies, I just got out as soon as I can. After her mom and aunt left, Vem scolded me for that and I was pissed because she doesn’t know how it felt like to be out there in the heat, with people staring at you like you were an emo suicide jumper. But now as I look back, it was actually a good laugh. I never thought I’d do something like that and it was one of those things I treasure in memory lane. Yeah, you may find it sweet or funny now, but at that time, I was really at that point that I’m going to have fist fights with everyone who laughed at me.
We’ve wrapped our heads into this sweet and romantic ideas that we sometimes forget that in reality it’s not so fairy tale and pleasant all the time. We have to endure the hardships. There will be sudden fights/arguments over the silliest things, like lego, doors, dolphins, flip-flops and more, to the practical things like bills, wages, food consumption, college plan for kids. And there will fights over the serious issues like infidelity, annulment, divorce, child custody etc. There would be no perfect life just because you are in love. Love also does not mature and grow like love at first sights. It would take time, to really know and see how you love someone.
What I’m saying is that we should always look for the two sides of the coin and ask for other people’s opinion, like our friend’s. I mean, they can see the bigger picture sometimes when we’re blinded with hollywood romance. Also, relying on feelings, emotions and instincts too much sometimes doesn’t work well at all. Love needs a lot of will, understanding and determination. When there are things that emotions cannot even set things right because of too much hurt, you can actually use practicality to get back on track of a relationship. Like thinking. Think back why you love him/her, what you love about and sum it up if its all worth to forget such a hurt. You can even decide to be faithful and not just be swayed by circumstances.
A friend once told me that love is not the only recipe for love, trust is also very essential, now I agree. Actually, there are a lot more ingredients. Try to discover it on your own and see for yourself. And stop thinking you’re the only romantic person ever alive, because you’re not.
So for now, I better feed my dogs, it’s already 1 pm and I have to meet up with my Mom 🙂
- Prince Charming or a Frog? (housefuloflove.wordpress.com)
- Not Like The Movies. (sexinthevalley.wordpress.com)
- Love Letters: When Harry, Sally get bored (boston.com)
- WRITING: What Adele is really saying (matweller.wordpress.com)
- Couples Need to Stop Trying to Arouse Love in Singles (yhwhtheologian.wordpress.com)
- Blue Valentine (whitechocolatestar.wordpress.com)
- Why Does It Always Prince Charming? (socyberty.com)
- Of damsels in distress and prince charmings on crack (knida.wordpress.com)