The Indefinite Proposition of a Perceived “Daddy Issue”

(For those who didn’t know.. The characters above are father and son from an arcade fighting game franchise, Tekken – . That’s Jin Kazama on the left (the son) and Kazuya Mishima on the right (his father).

I’m a little pissed. I can’t think clearly because of the anger and contempt I feel for this “man” I’m forced to live with. All my life, I choose not to believe that he’s a douchebag and the symbol of all the things I hated but it’s just hard not to. It’s not that I don’t get him, I mean I tried a couple of times, but every time I try it’s becoming clearer that he’s a  f***i**  **s**le.

I’m sorry. On writing this post, I’m trying to be as well mannered as I can and get this blog stay G-rated as I can with minimal or less profanity as I can. So I hope you can bear with me and accept my apology in advance for anything that would make you think otherwise.

Just to be clear, you guys know what a douchebag is? I mean there are lots of definition to it, but I’m sticking to a person –  with an over-inflated sense of self-worth and behaves like an overzealous, pompous, or vexatious asshole around him and has no sense of how moronic he is.

I don’t want to be one-sided in this because I’m a very conscientious guy (honest! ask my wife if you don’t believed me). I don’t want to be bugged by thoughts that it was me who actually has a problem. I want you guys to be the judged.

Earlier this morning, around 6:00 am, my sleep was disrupted by an angry voice. I don’t give it much mind because my philosophy is as long you don’t touch me, or screaming your lungs out that might deafened me, feel free to be mad or whatever. Besides, I was sleeping and dreaming of much cooler scene than the thing when I woke up. So I continued sleeping, I can hear a few mumbles though like “Why haven’t you turned off the air conditioner” (actually that’s all I remember as I go back to sleep). Then he walked out of my room and rushed back again then he walked out again. After few minutes, realizing that I can no longer get back to sleep, I got up, do my morning rituals and get back to my room and tried to check the online status of the Internet.

So I don’t really feel nothing’s wrong in that day. I continue on my daily routine then Vem logged on. So we talked, I told her of what happened that morning. We just laughed about it and nothing much happened then, until earlier this evening I noticed something’s amiss. It’s already 9:48 pm. I don’t know what got into me, that I checked the air conditioner for I was planning to turn it on around 12 mn – 1 am (that’s my usual routine). Then I realized that the plug has been pull through that the air conditioner is rendered useless.

I was shocked and as I said before, I was filled with contempt. I mean, what the hell? (I’m trying to be polite here as I can as I said that) I’m a grown up man. I’m 26 years old for crying out loud. Can’t he just talk to me man to man and fix the problem in a civilized way? He knows I have a hyperthyroidism. I have this constant want of changing different temperature but I would have gave way. A simple direct conversation would have suffice like “Hey, we have to mellow down the usage of this we’re on a tight budget” or at least “Psst, don’t ever use this again”.. I mean, I would have respected that because I know it’s not really mine even though knowing it would cause me to wake up the next day body full of sweat and scratches. I would have got that. But he didn’t.

It’s not the first time he exhibits this moronic behavior. One time, I was called to sleep over in the office. There’s a small room there with a toilet and stuffs. There’s nothing there that would cause me discomfort that would lead me to stay up all night, actually. It’s a fine place. So I grabbed my things, and I brought my dog. She’s a puppy with a small portable kennel. My wife would scold me for sleeping alone sometimes, She have this fear of I might not wake up the next day, so having a dog with me would at least offer her a small sense of security and comfort.

When I got there, the other employees decided to stay the for the night. So that means, I won’t have to spend the night in the office anymore. After hearing that, I showed a little irritation because of all the effort of packing. They could have called me and tell me about the plan before I went there. So what can I do, I shrugged it off. There’s really nothing I can do no matter if I whined about it. Then suddenly this douche just erupted. I don’t understand what sets him off but he just started swearing and threatened me that he would kill my dog. I was really pissed. So I shouted back at him. It became a heated argument that I swore, I was waiting for him to throw his fist first so I can hit him back. But he didn’t. So what happened next, I grabbed all my things, including the clothes I left prior to that day, left that place and went straight home.

There are a lot more coincidences such as these happened to my past. I think I already mentioned that I’m closer to my grandparents than them. I was 17-18 yrs old. It was a New Year’s eve, the house is filled with guests and relatives. He came home drunk along with his friend, then suddenly he called me out and challenge me for a little sparring XD. I was confused. Did I do something bad? And I was wondering what senses came over him to call me out like that in front of our relatives and guests. I force myself to think that he might be just joking, but the question is, for what purpose? The reason eluded me. So I didn’t move a muscle, comforted by my aunt and my grandma. It was Tatang (my grandpa) who stepped out. They argued and Tatang seemed realize that this douche really wanted a piece of me. My grandpa challenged him right there and then too, but he jokingly dismissed that it was just only a bad jest and that he was just only trying to scare me. Though after that I never saw him on that evening and the next few days.

Do I?

I don’t know if it’s the middle age crisis or something, or he is simply pissed off of all the decisions I did in my life or it’s really a part of who he is…. but one thing for sure, I have to leave this place as soon as possible before another disaster would erupt that he and I both would regret.. I can feel that the event is inevitable and fast approaching. I know it, maybe he knows it too. To think we (my wife and me) gave him some gifts and goodies as a welcoming present when he arrived back home. It doesn’t matter. He’s a douche, plain and simple. I just hope I can move out before anything bad happen. Oh! Did I mention that he’s checking up my food intake, also wanting me to sleep in the most uncomfortable way in the house and would scold my mom not to help me out in some ways? Never mind that.

I never said this openly before, but it seems I really do have an issue with this guy and I thought before that it only affects women. Upon writing I became aware of it. So anyway, am I a lesser of a man? I admit I’m not comfortable with the idea of him being around me anymore. I just want to move on and be indifferent or oblivious to the idea of having him in my sphere of influence which I already found resolve with myself and I’m actually, already, at ease with that for a long time now.

Copyright © 2011. Smokebear. All rights reserved.

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